She started a life full of promise. She was bright, infectious, funny. And then she started down a couple of bad paths, and they led to a couple more. It soon became clear that she had problems, and her problems became our problems. And ultimately she died far too young on February 12, 2010, at the hands of another.
We’re full of questions, regrets, and sadness… but we’ll be ok. I wrote the following to read on Friday at her funeral, but ultimately someone stepped in to help.
Good luck, Tara. The worst is over, and there’s happiness ahead.
Tara had a hard life. She lived her life in a difficult way, and never managed to take advantage of what was offered her to make it better. Hard choices that may have helped her were often discounted; the easier path was more often taken. It was a frustrating cycle for those who loved her, and I, like others, ultimately gave up hope that she would turn her life around, and find a positive path.
Her diseases kept her from behavior that we would consider rational, and to blame her for simply making bad choices in her life would not be fair to her. Her life became harder over the years simply because her capacity for rational behavior became less and less. Her diseases made it harder to make good choices, and her resulting choices created an even harder life. I spent a long time blaming Tara for her behavior, but I now know that it was not all her fault. And I’m sorry, Tara.
The thing is, I gave up hoping for Tara. And I simply gave up on her. But I never stopped loving her. And no matter the choices she made in her life, I want to think of her now as the same bright, beautiful person she was when she was young.
One of her friends from high school, arguably the best time of Tara’s life, wrote:
“I do and will always remember her fondly. Bright eyed, clever, inquisitive, together.”
The easiest, and most disrespectful way to remember Tara will be through her problems. And I won’t do that, Tara, I promise. I’m going to hold onto the best of you. You, in better days.
I think that’s what we all can do. Remember the best of her, in her best times. Her smile. Her eagerness to laugh. Her love of music. The remarkably easy way her personality could attract a new friend. Her kindness, her heart.
You’ll always be family, Tara. We love you.
Soooo…you knew I had been working on something…maybe you even cared.
Well, today it is born. Business2Blogger.com opens its doors to the little Blogs, and the big. To multi-national corporations and Etsy moms. And the only downside is that on the other side of the door…
is me.
and holly.
and shauna.
Never dreamed I’d have “matchmaker” on my resume, but it’s now a reality.
Come see what it’s all about. There’s a contest, too. A BIG one. The first of many.
Just come see, already.
Recorded this as quick as I could, in case I never hear it again, or it just doesn’t sound as amazing as it did this morning.
Hello out there…echo echo echo…
Been missing you.
I’ve been here, though it’s easy to believe otherwise. The life that I was loving last year, write read write read write, came to a crashing halt when my company decided to restructure in the fall. I kept my job, but was immediately handed new responsibility which sent me scrambling for safety…and I haven’t truly regained that ground yet.
Then the silly season started, and I took my family to one of my favorite places in England for a few weeks…truly amazing time I hope to share more with you in the future. In the meantime, I’m including bad video I took while I was there…don’t crucify me, I was in my blissful place and wasn’t thinking too much about cinematography.
Plus, there’s something coming that I have been working on with a couple of friends. It’s a bit revolutionary, and I will be bringing it to you in a couple of weeks. It has to do with that sidebar button over there…and beyond that I can’t give you any details. I just hope you’ll stay tuned.
I hope you know I am being heartfelt when I say…
I hope you are well, and happy.
No funnies today, just a reminder to hold your kids dear, and near.
As Christmas continues to ramp up, we all like to think of our suburbs as safety zones, relatively immune from the horrors we see on the news. And yet, those things are happening on our minivan-covered streets, by our exemplary schools, and out front of our designer stores.
We know a great couple in our neighborhood who had a terrifying moment this week. I am reposting what he wrote in the hope that it reminds you of family-changing possibilities that lie waiting for gaps in our attention.
Talk to your kids, keep ‘em close.
(I have changed names for anonymity)
December 3, 2009. Outside the Blue Goose in the Shops of Highland Village.
“”Amy and I were out with the kids and some friends (and their kids) on Thursday night . At the end of the meal, I went to get the car in a nearby parking lot and shortly thereafter, Amy and our friends exited. The kids were relatively close to Amy as they walked toward and were looking at a horse drawn carriage. At the same time an older looking man, without saying anything, grabbed Parker’s hand and attempted to walk off with him. Amy noticed what was happening, yelled for Parker, the man dropped Parker’s hand and walked off into the darkness. Parker ran to the safety of Amy and our lives have been changed forever. Kiss, hug and love your kids, play basketball when they want to, dance if they want you to dance and tuck them in every night with a prayer. PLEASE learn from us, do not get comfortable with your surroundings, teach your children the dangers of strangers, even at a young age, they will comprehend. It has taken me some time to write this, as my emotions have run from hatred to fear to anger, I am working on forgiveness. Lastly, please say a quick prayer for the man that changed my families’ lives forever. I pray this man and all people like him seek and receive the help they desperately need. Remember, we serve an awesome and forgiving God, who protects us in all that we do.”"
Another excerpt from our bedroom is in order today…my wife broke the relationship-shattering news this morning.
What was vivid, she went on to explain, was that I had done it. According to her, I had been with a woman named Jennifer. She had a dream, and when she awoke, I was informed that I had been cheating on her.
“It was so vivid”, she said. “So real”.
I said, suddenly excited about the detail of my indiscretion, “Well, was I any good?”
“I didnt see any of that.”
“Uh…well, was she hot?”
“I didn’t see her face.”
And yet, so vivid.
Now, aside from the fact that I know quite a few Jennifers, and many are cute, today I return to something I believe in wholeheartedly.
There are people who can, and people who can’t. I have heard people say that they believe that everyone is capable of going outside their marriage, and I don’t believe it for a minute. Sure I know guys that could, some who have, and some I predict very well might, but I also know a fair number who absolutely aren’t built that way.
Me, I’m the guy who’s a bit of a flirt. I love women, and like their company as much as I like hangin’ with the daddys. In fact, more often than not I’m a guy who has more to talk about with the ladies, because they like to talk about more than sports, which if you recall, I know nothing about. But I have zero interest in looking for an extracurricular piece.
I’ve got my hands full at home with a feisty 5 year old, and it won’t help her in the least to have a part-time father. Not to mention, I love my wife. And if she ever caught me messing around, modern science couldn’t measure how fast she would grab my kids and run.
But this morning I’d simply like to thank my wife for having a dream that didn’t take the fact that I was home with the kids for granted. Maybe it’ll make me a bit dangerous in her mind, and add a spicy new act to our marital play.
Then again, maybe she’ll just realize that her dream was an exaggeration of the truth, which is that I really AM cheating on her. Every night when we are bathing the kids and I say, “Oops, be right back”, I am actually running downstairs to stuff my face with Halloween candy.
MAN, it feels good to tell the truth.
