You may have noticed at some time the link at the top of my blog that says “Challenge Jay“…it is a place for you to ask me questions that plague you, or simply tee one up for me to hit out of the park. Today I am catching up on two new questions, and if you are interested in asking one, please feel free to Challenge Me!

Kristen asked:
“Where did you grow up and what childhood trauma gave you your quick wit?“

Whether or not Kristin actually knows it, I do believe that humor is born mostly from pain. And I won’t turn this into a pity party, but my “quick wit”, as you put it, comes from many years of emotional and physical abuse. Oh who am I kidding…I learned to be funny because I couldn’t get a girl with my looks. I got them into the sack by making them laugh, and then when I got them there, they laughed harder. Hence, more emotional abuse, ergo, I got funnier. Date night with my wife is coming up this week, and I plan to be even funnier at the end of the evening. BTW, I was born in Canada…and if that isn’t funny, I don’t know what is.

and Anonymous asked:
Jay, I need a guy’s view on this. My husband and I were shopping at Costco. I noticed him staring at a tall, thin brunette (I am short and blonde). I did not say anything. As we were leaving and walking thru the parking lot, she was loading the back of her SUV. Again he was staring at her and not paying attention and ran over me with the cart! I then said if he had not been staring at some other woman he might not crash the Costco cart into his spouse! He denied staring at her (LAME!), and that was the end of it. It has really been bothering me since. Am I being hyper-sensitive? I know he loves me. I want a man’s point of view, even if it may sting a bit. Thanks!

She was loading her SUV? That’s Hot.

Oh, my dear sweet…Anonymous. You’re just jumping right to the heart of the matter, aren’t you? Well, bless your heart for asking, and sorry you had to, but let’s do this. (And hold on to something to protect you from the angry comment flood rumbling towards us at the end)

Men are pigs. No real shock there. But I ask you all to think about what I just said. We may be metaphorically “pig-like” but we are actually wired differently than you. This will be important…stay with me.

Much like our beautiful and sensitive female counterparts, men are all different…physically and emotionally. But one thing that the vast majority of men have in common is our urge to “procreate”…and not just with one woman.

I know…again, hear me out.

Men think about attraction and sex far differently than women…but for one gender to tell the other what is right and that the other is wrong is lunacy. Men think about sex constantly, as in several thousand times a day, women don’t. Men think about the physical act, and physical components, women think more in terms of the emotional element of the transaction.

Now, remember, I am not speaking for EVERY man or EVERY woman, so don’t get all up in arms about that aspect…but the reality is that the male wiring has us thinking about it all…the…freaking…time. And you have to ask yourself, am I judging a man for something that is as embedded in his DNA as his hair and eye color? Or do you simply believe that everything done is by CHOICE alone? If you believe the latter, then you have to ask yourself, “How in the hell can I assume to know how a man thinks?” And don’t forget to ask yourself, “Why do I think that I am simply right, and he is wrong? Right according to whom? ME? The Woman?” Do we males fully understand or appreciate how a woman is wired? We can’t…to me, it’s just that simple.

Before any of you think I am simply trying to bail out with the wiring issue, let’s address the REAL factor to consider.

RESPECT.

You see, I am also an offender. I have male-wiring, and I am visually motivated…like many men. But you have to take all men and put them into two groups… men who can, and men who can’t. Cheat, that is. I can be a flirt, we know this. My wife knows this. But hopefully she also knows that I fall into the category of can’t, and she never has anything to worry about. But I have still managed to offend and hurt her with my “wiring” at times, as I see a pretty girl, or particular physical features I may be visually motivated by, and I have had to learn some respect.

Anonymous, you are normal to feel hurt, you are normal to be offended. You are wired to want more respect than is being shown you.

And if you are asking my advice, here it is.

If you sit next to a dog and think, “Why does he sit there with his tongue hanging out? Doesn’t he know it’s rude?” Well, the dog doesn’t know it’s rude, but we know that what we do hurts you. Tell him. Simply tell him that you know he has urges, and that he is a slave to his uncontrollable visual cortex and libido, but ask him to respect you the way that you are inadvertently respecting him by not staring at every butt, chest and package on the DILFs at the community pool. Just understand that you love him for the same set of wiring that is currently pissing you off. Asking him to turn off these urges is like asking the person who suffers from depression to “snap out of it”. Pity him for being a flawed male, AND ask him to show you more respect. You are his wife and the mother of his children…you have earned the respect you seek.

And if you are married to a cheater, I sure hope you dump his ass.

OK…open the flood gates!!!!

Last year we took a small vacation to Destin, Florida, which turned out to be…well…not that fun. It was great from the standpoint that we were out of the house with our kids, at the beach. It was horrible due to the fact that we were out of the house, with two small kids, at the beach. The drive was a four day nightmare, there were jellyfish and stingrays just off the beach, and it was during a time when my wife and I were not…well…playing nicely. But out of that trip came some amazing pictures, and lessons learned.

1. Take your mother to help…Thanks, Mom. Sorry about the arguing.
2. Stick to the pool.
3. Invest in the best DVD player you can afford for the car.
4. If your 3 year old likes to get up at 4am, use that time to go get phenomenal sunrise beach pictures.

This picture gives ME bad dreams, so no telling what pile of therapy is in front of her…

I think I may have mentioned before, I love women. SO many things about you are SO wonderful…but I won’t tangent. And rather than lump all women into one mold, today I will be referring to my lovely bride. And to her credit, I have found the following trait to be fairly common, but not exclusive, to the female species.

Today I would like to talk about an age old struggle, that great barrier between us, the Great Wall Of China that separates the female psyche from the male’s…

Listening, instead of FIXING.

This has often been a thing. She will come to me with a story about an ill-tempered child, a bad day at work, a story about an infuriating family member told for the 247th time. And I will sit, and listen as a good husband should. (By the way, I am using the official title of a “good husband” here, but I am clearly still in training.)

And then I will offer a suggestion. Or ask if she had tried something in particular. Or probe more into her process, in an effort to sneak up on a solution.

And that is when the fireworks start.

I am judging, second-guessing, judge and jury at the end of a hard day, clearly not on her side, making her feel weak, inadequate, silly, stupid.

You see, along with boybits, we males have another subtle difference from you beauties…even we softer males have an undying urge to…Fix. And you don’t want that…you want us to LISTEN. I get that. And I do listen, I swear to you I do. But as soon as you are finished recounting the events, isn’t it natural to want to avoid a recurrence in the future? To try something else that you may not have thought of before? To use the experience of another? Isn’t that an advantage of sharing your life with someone, to have a built-in library of resources to aid each other in navigating life?

Sigh.

Clearly not.

I could use your help friends…can you tell me where I am off here? I really want to…well…fix this.

ps- Tomorrow is the Weekly Pessimistic Prize again…I look forward to hearing your stories of weekend terror.

Well, here is where you get to sit through yet another GD pumpkin patch photo spread…It was a beautiful morning, and I am leaving out the 95% of photos that had a screaming child in them.

I really like you bloggy people, so just know I am thinking of YOUR sanity when I say, “I’m glad you weren’t here.”

One more thing…
My wife has that thing where her memory resets every 12 minutes.
Seriously.