Archive for December, 2008
I.DO.NOT.CARE.
If you so desperately need attention, go down to Mann’s Chinese theatre and take your clothes off for the Tourons. But please, for all that is Holy…
GET OFF MY TELEVISION. YOU ARE NOT WANTED HERE. YOU ARE NOT INTERESTING. YOU ARE THE FARTHEST THING FROM A ROLE MODEL FOR MY DAUGHTER AVAILABLE. YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE.
Whew! I’m so glad we had this talk, Britney. Doesn’t that feel better? Just to have it all out in the open?
Oh and once more…
I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE…..
Also Thanks to 5 Minutes for Mom for “Wordless” Wednesday…I always have such a problem being wordless…
Today, a small tribute to who MamaKat (Happy Birthday!) regularly tells me is the best part about me, my wife.
After almost 8 years of marriage, I have come to know her all too well. I know what pisses her off, though it doesnt stop me from testing it. I know what makes her smile and laugh, and only when I am at the top of my game will it be me. I know that her hips will instinctively turn every time a camera is pointed at her. I know that sure as death and taxes, every time I get in her car I will find diet Coke cans and PopTart wrappers from her predawn rides to the hospital.
And yet, occasionally, she surprises me. Like yesterday.
I had made a mistake. Again. You see, we have worked hard to eliminate our debt, under the guidance of Dave Ramsey, and we never carry a balance on a credit card. In fact, we only have a credit card for online purchase protection and other such necessities. But sure enough, we had a big month on the card, and with Christmas upon us, a hefty workload in December, and my ever-nagging Attention Deficit Disorder, I paid the bill late.
Sure enough, Mastercard thanked us for my oversight to the tune of a $39 fee, and $88 in finance charges…a $127 mistake courtesy of Jay. My wife was the first to open the bill, and assaulted me with the accusational news. No excuse, Im sorry honey. So she said,
“Will you call them and ask them to take it off?”
“Um…I don’t think they do that, honey, they are in the business of making money off people like us…I mean me…”
“Yes, they will.”
“Well, I dont think I really would know what to say to them…or what lie to tell, since we have no backup or proof that we did anything other than screw up.”
So, here’s the part where I am starting to come off my guilt, and give her the high and mighty attitude like I know it all about finance. As proven by my ability to pay the damn bill on time.
She picks up the phone, and goes to sit patiently on hold until she can get someone in India to help her.
They answer, “Mastercard, may we help you?’
“Yes, we got our most recent bill and noticed that we were penalized for paying our bill late…with the holidays we just got busy and forgot to pay it. Can you please take off all the penalties?”
I am LAUGHING (inside) at this point.
“No problem, ma’am, we’ll take those right off. Anything else we can do to help?”
I stop laughing. Blood drains from my face. Drool starts to form at my lips.
“No, thanks… Thank you very much.” and hangs up.
Looks at me…and says, “Honesty is the best policy”.
I admired my wife yesterday. And I think I will again today as we go shopping, have lunch, see a movie, and spend the $127 that I worked so hard to keep.
Way to go, honey. And you don’t need to turn your hips for the camera.
They are fantastic hips.
I’m biting you.
No animals or humans were harmed during the making of this post. But if she takes one more dump in my daughter’s room, I’m giving her a fourth color.
Merry Christmas, PETA.
I just bought this last beauty to surprise her after she thinks she has opened all of her BIG gifts…you see, I am a regular toilet clogger at our house, and I always feel bad that my wife only has an old, worn out plunger to deal with the bowl devastation. When she gazes upon this beauty, she's gonna know the depth of my love and commitment…i can see her tearing up already.
I hope each of you find YOUR own Christmas miracle this year. There is beautiful sentiment to be found even at the hardware store…it simply takes the right man to find it.
I am that man.
you wanna know what makes my —- itch? A ONE lane traffic jam, with no shoulder for me to drive around it illegally, on the way to the last store on my list. Definitely a Campho moment.
at least Home Depot will be the end of my wife shopping woes…if they don't have what the ladies like NO ONE will.
ok…some lady just threw a fit about me being in the handicap stall too long, so I had to get out…and then she REALLY got mad when I came out…i seriously don't understand women. Always wanting what you don't have, then you still aren't satisfied when you get it.
Anyway, I made a beeline for the exit. People are giving me crap about my gifts for my wife, but I think it's because I only have one stocking stuffer…
I got it…LOTTERY TICKETS!! That way, no matter what, I get half!!
I'm not only generous, I'm frickin GENIUS.
