I need to learn how to read the signs better.

When you’re about to leave for an important meeting, it is NOT the time to go ask someone to bend your glasses.

When you walk in to make this mistake with your glasses ANYWAY, and the lady who comes up to help is the same Angel of Death you almost strangled last time,

and when you don’t run from her, and allow her to take said glasses to her contraption of doom without even looking at how they currently sit on your face,

and when you try to inform the back of her head that the glasses are crooked because your ears are as well, and that they simply need a slight adjustment…

and finally she says over her shoulder “I hope you don’t need these today”.

That’s then the Angel of Death plunges her trident into your ignorant soul, and further informs you that your favorite frames are no longer stocked.

Target giveth, and Target taketh away.

Eat it, Target Angel. Tuck into a big steaming pile of it. I will be cursing you all week as I blindly fumble through my own powerpoint presentation entitled, “How to keep your job despite the trident in your ass.”

Some days I really suck at this Daddy gig…

But the on other days…

I rock the kasbah.

As male, Daddy, co-head of household, and feature testosterone-laden headliner, when given a task such as attracting and handfeeding hugefuckinganimals from our car while my adoring fans sit feet away screaming their heads off…

I rock. Hard.

And then there was nothing left to do but take my bows, boil my hands, and return to fatherhood sub-mediocrity. sigh. little moments.

I’m coming back soon, not that I was ever really gone…I’ll explain more later. In the meantime, my friend Em has the right idea. Smart cookie, that one.

Ok, that's it.

If you don't know what an apostrophe is for, you are ordered to cease using them.

And before you waste the energy to tell me I am an elitist hypocrite, be advised…I already know. I knew before you did because I'm better than you.

By the way, you can find this punctuation abomination as well as many more at HomeGoods.

If you need me, I will be filling my afternoon looking for semicolon opportunities in Domestics.